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Everyone, some point of time in his or her career, always seems to have worked for a brilliant team. Where the proverbial “team-work” has helped to tide over humongous challenges or where “individuals could win games but teamwork wins championships” But, unless you’ve worked in a team that exhibits all characteristics of bad team-work (pardon me, what’s the opposite of good team-work?), you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Aha, how wonderful it is to have worked in such a team! The free-for-all entertainment quotient that such a team provides is unmatched! No ownership of delivery needed, hardly passion required. Just drag on - who cares? There are specific roles manned by specialists. Just like in a project, where you have the GD (Graphics Designer), the FE-UX (Front-End User Experience) guy, the SSE (Server-Side Expert) and the DBA (Database Administrator), here you have -
 The CC (Chief Cribber)
 The IB (Incompetent Bootlicker)
 The RS (Reluctant Superstar) and 
​ The BB-PP (Boss by Peter Principle)
These are really specialized roles, honed by years of experience.

The CC (Chief Cribber)

The CC leads by example, using every opportunity to crib, but behind the boss’s back. For him, every event and action is crib-worthy and nobody is spared of the venom. It’s a wonder how he is able to eke out only the dark clouds to ignore silver linings. His favourite place is the pantry where he assembles his audience to dole out plenty of his negative concoction. The ability to look at the glass as broken, rather than half-empty or half-full or anything else, is considered to be the true talent, if you ever want to excel in this role.

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The IB (Incompetent Bootlicker)

The IB is a compulsive bootlicker, surviving only on that particular talent to mask his perpetual incompetence. He’s the Boss’s side-kick, confidant, blue-eyed boy, all rolled into one, never mind even if he lacks any other basic abilities needed for his role. The Boss is always seen with the IB on every and all important occasions, including sharing a smoke. In fact, that part of the day is the prime occasion when the IB discharges his significant duties as a bootlicker. The Boss never seems to mind that the IB does not perform in the conventional sense of “performance”, ever. 
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The RS (Reluctant Superstar)

The RS is really the lynchpin of the team and that’s also how the team has been able to stay afloat so far. The RS is able to move things at a speed that others can only talk about! And in that sense she’s the only one who’s contributing, albeit, with a grudge. She just doesn’t care anymore. The once-glowing embers of her enthusiasm have long cooled off to give way to reluctance as she’s realized the futility of her zeal. Why and how the RS has been able to stay back with this team, is a mystery nobody has been able to fathom. Some say that the Boss has got something on her, but nobody’s sure about that.

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The BB-PP (Boss By Peter Principle)

The BB-PP, loved-by-none and hated-by-all (except the IB, of course), is the chief tormentor of the team. He has risen & stayed at this level by the ability of his sheer incompetence and has remained stuck at that final level for the rest of his career. The ultimate expression of his unabashed ability is even to go and search for his team members in washrooms when he so badly needs them. That, coupled with an inherent & bottomless ability to play politics with everyone and to whatever extent possible, is how he has earned all of his badges so far. That is also how he keeps himself motivated, never mind what the rest of the team thinks.
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If you’ve never got a chance to work in such a team, you’ve missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! It’s such a pleasure to be warming chairs, waiting for everyone else to move, if at all. Anyways, why run when everyone else is lumbering and why even walk when everyone else is crawling? You gotta nothin to lose.

And pray, where do you find such teams? The propensity to discover such invaluable teams always increases with the size of the company. So bigger the Co, bigger the BS. Seek and ye shall find.

Those who’re able identify, even remotely, with such teams, would do well, never ever, to treat this work as a piece of satire.

Everyone else, please apply to WonderBiz here
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